A person walks into a psychiatrist office during election season…..
Patient: I know last time you told me to focus on other things. Distract myself with hobbies and family, I think you said. But I’m not sure I can. They are back.
Therapist: Who is back?
Patient: I’m almost afraid to say. It’s like if I say it aloud it will make you think I’m crazy.
Therapist: I will not think that. What have I always said?
Patient: Stop believing everything you see on social media? Stop watching cable news? Take long walks? Meditate for fifteen minutes a day? Stop wearing socks with sandals?
Therapist: No. I always say this is a safe space where you can tell me anything. Right? I don’t judge. It’s important, for us to be successful, that you be honest and open.
Patient: Right. I get that.
Therapist: I’m here to help you. You believe that right?
Patient: Of course, yeah.
Therapist: Now what is it? Who is back?
Patient: Ok fine. The communists okay! They are everywhere again. And they are joined by socialists and something called democratic socialists. They want to take over the country.
Therapist: I thought we talked about this.
Patient: We did, like two years ago, and you told me not to worry.
Therapist: Why do you think that is?
Patient: I’m not sure. I knew they would be back, but I dropped it before because all the talk about them died down all of sudden. Maybe they went underground like a dormant cell or something, I don’t know. They were here for a few months then, poof, gone. I admit it was weird. I’ll give you that. Though the fact that they are back now makes me think I should have kept on this. I mean it proves I was right.
Therapist: I hear you. I’m not going to discount what you feel. I understand that it’s very real. Do you think there is any reason why they return every couple of years?
Patient: You think I’m crazy. I knew I shouldn’t have said anything.
Therapist: It’s not that. Let’s get to my question and maybe start somewhere else. Walk me through a normal day. What do you do?
Patient: What does this have to do with anything?
Therapist: Humor me.
Patient: It’s not that exciting as you know. I wake up early, go to the gym, work, make dinner, eat it, watch some TV, then bed. Then the same thing all over again.
Therapist: When do the communists come up? Are you seeing them in all of those places or just some?
Patient: Not really. I kind of just hear about them. I’m not seeing things or anything. It’s not like they are walking around with signs on. They look almost like you and me. I turn on the TV or a podcast or whatever and they are there. You know? Certain people have been able to find them, get below the surface and sniff them out.
Therapist: Sure, sure. What do they want? What makes you afraid of them?
Patient: They want to take over our way of life. They want to change our country for the worse.
Therapist: But what does that mean really? How would things change?
Patient: You know. They want all kinds of hand outs and freebies- healthcare, affordable housing, cheaper prices, higher taxes on rich people – all kinds of crazy stuff. They want to bury us in taxes to pay for trans people too.
Therapist: Are you against cheaper healthcare or more access to affordable housing or any of those things on their own? Or what about leaving people’s sexuality or gender alone? Let’s say for a friend or relative.
Patient: No of course not. I have family that could use those things. I probably could as well. Paying for these sessions isn’t easy. I’ll tell you that. Where do we draw the line. Our country wasn’t founded on those things. It’s not supposed to change like that.
Therapist: Maybe your fear is misplaced. Maybe the communists you’re afraid of just want, I don’t know, a more equitable social system.
Patient: I don’t think so. They are different. They are un-American.
Therapist: But you just agreed that what they want is nothing you fear on its own, right?
Patient: Yeah, so.
Therapist: Do you think there might be a reason why they pop up every two years then go away? Think about it. Also think about migrant caravans, critical race theory, wokeness, or even Jeremiah Wright and David Ayers who you feared a long time ago. All of those things went away in time, right? Nothing changed as much as you feared, and here we are.
–PAUSE–
Patient: Right, I’m thinking about it, but none of those things has anything to do with each other. I mean caravans and wokeness are back too, so they haven’t disappeared either. Are you saying that maybe they are connected and it’s all part of the same sleeper cell? That could explain the whole two years thing.
Therapist: No, no. That’s not what I meant. I’ll tell you what, let’s make a promise. If the communists, socialists, and democratic socialists, and even the caravans and wokeness are gone by mid-November you’ll commit to reading a reputable newspaper for fifteen minutes every day. Is that a deal?
Patient: What do I get if you’re wrong?
Therapist: That’s a good question. Think about that for our next session. Our time is up.
