I live by the undying belief that I know absolutely nothing about the interior lives of anyone I meet. Sure I can guess. I can paint a mental picture, put them in a box, ascribe thoughts and feelings that are maybe a projection of what I want them to be.
This isn’t only true for strangers. I believe it’s the case for the most intimate of friends and relations. I was thinking about this when Ben Carson came up in a conversation with a friend. He was the renowned surgeon that ran in the Republican primary for President in 2015, lost, then served as the Housing and Urban Development Secretary in the Trump administration. He made news in that job, like few do, when he spent tens of thousands of taxpayer dollars on renovating his office. He was also famous for saying he wasn’t qualified for the job he later accepted. Anyway, I don’t remember why he came up in conversation. It had nothing to do with those morsels of odd behavior.
The conversation did turn to the painting he kept in his office or home (I don’t remember) of him and Jesus Christ. If you don’t remember, look it up. It’s bizarre, and terribly painted, and somehow great at the same time. Carson is seated in his white doctor’s coat, staring straight out at the viewer, while Jesus has his right arm around his back and resting on Carson’s right shoulder. They both smile in this weird way that I think is supposed to evoke the idea that Jesus is watching over Carson or blessing him or something else I as an atheist don’t care to fathom. Jesus is dressed in white as well and has his left hand out, palm up, either asking the viewer to join them or looking for a donation. Jesus has a small, oblong head for reasons unknown.
Now, here was this world class surgeon and by all accounts a brilliant scientific mind who keeps a bizarre religious token somewhere in his private quarters. The campaign trail also showed the world that he had bizarre ideas about a lot of different topics. If he never ran for president he’d probably be remembered fondly for his medical achievements and his oddball political and social beliefs would have been unknown to almost everyone. Running for office is like undergoing a full body scan in full public view with a discerning cadre of social media savants staring down your every move. It takes a massive, unbound ego, to even think someone could be president, let alone allow themselves to be subjected to the scrutiny it requires. It’s probably the only exception to the rule I started with. It’s the one situation where we can know everything about a person.
Which brings me back to everyday encounters with strangers and friends. I can shake hands and have pleasant light conversation with someone who is charming and sociable in public but watches reruns of 50’s television shows in the nude while eating a bucket of KFC every night. The person I joke around with in line at a coffee shop could be getting a coffee for themselves and one for their home altar to their god of choice. The point is we have no idea, and I don’t want to know.
I feel the same way about accepting that I have no idea what kind of mental issues or pressures anyone is dealing with at any time, and I try to give them the benefit of the doubt as a result. I can have a testy conversation or someone can be short with me or mad for no apparent reason and maybe it has nothing to do with the situation or me. They could be struggling with an issue at home, with relatives, with anything completely removed from the situation at hand. I think that happens more than we like to admit. I know I’ve had moments where I’ve felt overwhelmed in a situation or upset about something in my personal life and I’ve allowed it to manifest in an unrelated situation. I felt sorry about those instances after the fact and in most cases didn’t go back and apologize or anything. I let it go and I think we can all do that more.
GLAZ 